*Jamrud’s Pelangi di matamu playing in the background*
This is bullshit.
*30 menit kita di sini tanpa suara
dan aku resah harus menunggu lama
kata darimu.*
I am officially de-motivated. I feel there is no need for me to be here. No need for me to do anything. What impact could I possibly bring to this world? All my dreams, down the drain we call routine.
*mungkin butuh kursus
merangkai kata
untuk bicara
dan aku benci
harus jujur padamu
tentang semua ini.*
Why do we need to do this? Why do we need to learn stuffs which is not important, work the jobs we hate, and buy stuffs we don’t really need? Why the hell are we supposed to be motivated with all this shit? Why? Because we are stupid, stupid people.
*jam dinding pun tertawa
saat ku hanya diam
dan membisu.*
How many times have it been, we keep our mouth shut? How many times has it been, we bow down to society’s expectations? You must do this. You mustn’t do that. This is right, this is wrong. We are not controlling you; we are just channeling you to the right direction.
Fuck.
*ingin ku maki
diriku sendiri
yang tak berkutik di depanmu.*
Fuck all this bullshit. I will break away from all this mundane etiquette. I think. Probably. Maybe. It takes too much energy. Energy I no longer possess. Energy lost doing things people expect of me.
*ada yang lain di senyummu
yang membuat lidahku
gugup tak bergerak.*
I had dreams. They are all now gone.
*ada pelangi di bola matamu
dan memaksa diri tuk bilang
aku sayang padamu
aku sayang padamu.*
I wanted to do so many things, but now it’s too late. So much responsibility. So little time.
*mungkin sabtu nanti
ku ungkap semua
isi di hati*
I made a list of all the things that should’ve happened. I burned it half-way. There won’t be much use looking back. Not much use looking forward either.
*dan aku benci
harus jujur padamu
tentang semua ini.*
I made a list.
Half way.
I burned it.
It didn’t mean a thing.
It didn’t mean a thing.
It didn’t hurt.
Hurt.
*ada pelangi di bola matamu
seakan memaksa
dan terus memaksa
ada pelangi.*
…
*ada pelangi di bola matamu
dan memaksa diri tuk bilang
aku sayang padamu
aku sayang padamu.*
Oh fuck it. Nothing is going to change. I hate my life.
